A man had reached his limit. Every morning he dragged himself out of bed, fought traffic, worked eight hours, and came home exhausted, while his wife stayed home all day. At least that’s how it looked to him.
One night, fed up and convinced he was getting the short end of the stick, he prayed.
“Lord, I go to work every day and put in a full shift while my wife stays home. I want her to understand what I deal with. Let us trade places.”
God, apparently in the mood to teach lessons the hard way, agreed.
The next morning the man woke up as a woman.
He got out of bed and immediately went to work. Breakfast didn’t cook itself. Kids didn’t wake themselves. Clothes didn’t magically appear clean and folded. He made breakfast, woke the kids, laid out their clothes, fed them, packed lunches, and drove them to school. On the way back he stopped to pick up dry cleaning, went to the bank, paid utility bills, ran errands, and did grocery shopping.
Back home, he unloaded groceries, cleaned the litter box, bathed the dog, and realized it was already past noon. Beds still needed to be made. Laundry needed washing, drying, folding. Floors needed vacuuming and mopping. Dust didn’t remove itself. By the time he finished, it was time to pick up the kids.
That trip turned into an argument. Back home, snacks were served, homework supervised, and while the kids worked, he ironed clothes in front of the TV. Dinner prep started early: peeling potatoes, washing greens, breading meat, snapping beans. After dinner came dishes, laundry, baths, bedtime routines.
By nine o’clock he collapsed into bed, completely exhausted, only to discover he was still expected to be enthusiastic about intimacy. He somehow managed it without complaint.
The next morning he dropped to his knees.
“Lord, I was wrong. I was arrogant. Please, let us switch back.”
God answered calmly.
“I’m happy you’ve learned your lesson. You can switch back.”
Then came the pause.
“In nine months. You got pregnant last night.”
Elsewhere, two friends were walking down the street, one with a Doberman Pinscher, the other with a Chihuahua. They wanted to grab food at a restaurant, but dogs weren’t allowed.
“Just follow my lead,” said the man with the Doberman.
He put on dark sunglasses and walked toward the door. The bouncer stopped him.
“No pets allowed.”
“This is my seeing-eye dog,” the man said.
The bouncer looked skeptical. “A Doberman?”
“They use them now. Very protective.”
The bouncer waved him in.
The second guy figured he’d try his luck. He put on sunglasses and walked up.
“No pets,” said the bouncer.
“This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer stared. “A Chihuahua?”
The man froze, looked down at the dog, and said, “A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?”
In a convenience store, a customer left his phone behind. The clerk picked it up, scrolled through the contacts, found “Mom,” and called.
She answered. The clerk explained.
“Oh, don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll handle it.”
Minutes later the phone rang. It was Mom.
“Martin,” she said, “you left your phone at the convenience store.”
A man sat at a bar ordering vodka and coke after vodka and coke. Eventually the bartender noticed he’d slowed down.
“Everything alright?” the bartender asked.
The man sighed. “Huge fight with my wife. She says she won’t speak to me for a month. I’m sleeping on the couch.”
The bartender nodded. “Best thing is to stop drinking, go home, and make peace. Don’t let it drag out.”
The man took a final sip. “You don’t get it. This is the last night.”
At a gas station, a blonde opened her hood and checked the oil. After staring thoughtfully at the dipstick, she walked to the attendant.
“Can I buy a longer dipstick?” she asked.
“Why?”
“This one isn’t long enough to reach the oil.”
Two blondes were flying from Cleveland to Miami. Fifteen minutes in, the captain announced one engine had failed and the flight would be an hour longer. No problem, three engines left.
Later, another engine failed. Two hours longer. Still fine.
Then another engine failed. Three hours longer. One engine left.
One blonde turned to the other.
“If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day.”
A man was addicted to smoking and drinking. His wife warned him constantly.
“If you keep this up, your intestines will fall out.”
He laughed it off.
One morning while he slept, she bought intestines from a butcher and stuffed them into his underwear. When he woke up, he screamed and went silent for half an hour.
Eventually he came downstairs, pale and sweating.
“You were right,” he said. “My intestines fell out. But don’t worry. After a lot of work, I pushed them back in.”
Michael’s wife refused to accept aging and bought expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look younger. After carefully applying them, she asked her husband:
“Honestly, if you didn’t know me, how old would you say I am?”
Michael looked closely.
“Skin, twenty. Hair, eighteen. Figure, twenty-five.”
She beamed.
He raised a finger. “Hold on. I haven’t added them up yet.”
Michael was never seen again.
An angry father stormed into a principal’s office.
“Why did my son get a zero on his English exam?”
The teacher was called in.
“He handed in a blank paper,” she explained.
“That’s no excuse,” the father snapped. “You could’ve given him an A for neatness.”
After their first child, Tom and Sarah went to a lawyer to write a will. The lawyer asked about life support.
“I don’t want my life regulated by machines,” Tom said. “I don’t want nourishment from a bottle.”
Sarah took that seriously. When they got home, she unplugged the TV and poured out all his beer.
During Christmas shopping, a woman lost her purse. A little boy returned it.
She looked inside. “That’s strange. I had one twenty-dollar bill. Now I have twenty one-dollar bills.”
The boy shrugged. “Last time I found a purse, the lady couldn’t give a reward.”
Finally, a man started his first day as a trainee at a large company. Feeling bold, he picked up the phone and barked, “Get me a coffee. Now.”
Wrong extension.
A voice snapped back. “Do you know who you’re talking to, idiot?”
“No,” the trainee said.
“This is the CEO.”
The trainee paused. “And do you know who you’re talking to?”
“No.”
“Good.” He hung up.
And somehow, he kept the job.
